My Story - When My Faith Collides With Fear
What’cha girl didn’t know……
About 15 years ago, my faith as I knew it collided with fear. I remember the moment when I scheduled an appointment to get a check-up from my doctor and to share some great news with her. After a few years of marriage, my husband and I were at a point in our marriage when we were both ready to extend our family. So, I was so excited to share the news with my doctor. After all, she had been my doctor for many years prior to my marriage.
So, I knew she would be so happy for us. When I arrived at the doctor’s office, I was able to share that my husband and I desired to extend our family. At this point, she is ecstatic; clapping her hands with excitement with this huge smile on her face. She was so excited for us.
Meanwhile, she began to conduct the exam to ensure that I was able to conceive a child. She stated that she would get the test results back in a few days and that she would call me to go over the results. A few days later, my doctor called me while I was at work. She asked me to come by her office after work because she wanted to go over the test results with me in person.
For a split second, I thought that it was pretty strange that she preferred to discuss the results in person rather than over the phone. However, I immediately dismissed the thought because I’ve always had great test results. Therefore, I was not concerned at all. I felt great not to mention that was only in my 20s. I thought “ what could possibly be wrong?”.
I went by my doctor’s office. When I arrived, my doctor enters the room. She immediately says “ Camilla, I’m so sorry.” As tears begin to flood her eyes. While sharing the results of the exam, stating that I would never be able to have children. She proceeded to say that I didn't have any ovaries or anything to produce a child.
I remember her telling me that In Vitro could not help me or any other fertility assistance would help me. At that moment the tears began to flow. She embraced me with a hug as I cried on her shoulder. She said based on the results of the exam that the only option I had, was to adopt a child.
Though adoption is a beautiful thing to provide a loving home for a child and raise them as your own. I didn’t say anything to my doctor, but to be transparent with you, that wasn’t the path that I envisioned for my husband and I. I felt overwhelmed trying to process everything that was happening. My doctor stated that with all of her years of experience, she was unable to determine what was going on with my body.
She proceeded to say that she had never seen anything like this before. I was in my mid 20’s at the time and the results from my bodily functions were coming back as if I was over 80 years old. It sounds crazy “ I know” . I remember being in tears wondering how is this even possible because I never thought in a million years that something like this would be happening to me.
Later, I was scheduled for an ultrasound to examine my ovaries to determine what was going on. During the exam, they showed me where my ovaries were supposed to be, but when I looked at the computer screen, I did not have any ovaries. It was "COMPLETE DARKNESS”. I knew that I served a God that specializes in MIRACLES and God knows how to do His best work in our darkest hour.
As a child, I dreamed of having a picture-perfect life being married with children. But my dreams were becoming a partial reality with no kids of our own. I felt inadequate and ashamed as though I was less than a woman because I was unable to conceive a child. Wondering what did I do wrong, asking God “what’s wrong with me?”.
My life was not going the way that I had planned. However, I had to realize that my life does not belong to me. My life belongs to God and the plan that God has for me is much different from the plan that I had in mind for myself. God says in Jeremiah 29:11 “For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the Lord, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end”.
I believed God, but just like many of you, I felt as though my situation was bigger than me and it was but be encouraged to know that God is bigger than your situation. Jesus has the power in His name alone to bring you and me out, but we have to learn how to surrender and allow God’s will to be done in our lives and stop trying to be in control because God has a better plan for our lives. In fact, God has the best plan for our lives. God knows what we need and when we need it.
Five years ago, from the moment I was told that I would not be able to conceive a child, feeling like there was no hope, but God has the last say so and THERE WAS HOPE. In 2010, I conceived our 1st miracle baby (Kendall). I shared the great news of my pregnancy with my doctor. She was overjoyed, she wanted to set up a day to meet at her office.
The day of my appointment, she and a few other doctors were there, stating that they had traveled to meet me so that they can shake the hand of the woman that was carrying a miracle. They could not understand how I was able to conceive a child after reviewing the results of my exam. They were blown away saying “ Truly this is a miracle from God.”
Four years later, God blessed us to conceive our second miracle (Karsen). Then on May 11, 2019, the day of the official launch of my nonprofit organization "#HerStoryContinues” God told me that I was pregnant with vision, but He forgot to mention that ya girl was carrying her 3rd miracle. YES, five years after our second miracle ya girl was pregnant in the picture (shown) and I didn't even know it.
God has given us our heart’s desire with our girls and now he has blessed us to conceive a son who was born on February 13, 2020. I don't know about you but I still believe in miracles. I encourage you to stand strong on your faith and trust the plan of God for your life. You may not understand your “Now” but God is getting you ready for your “Next”. Your current season may be your darkest season but Keep pushing forward. Don’t lose your hope. You got this!!
XoXo,
Lady C
